You know it's time to get a life (maybe a job? perhaps a friend?) when the idea of charting the growth of your husband's beard sounds like something really fun to do.
It all started back in September when I was debating whether or not to cut my hair. It was getting pretty nappy and I was thinking of going much shorter. I asked Jason his opinion and got the usual response:
"I don't know. Do whatever you want. I think you look beautiful no matter what you do with your hair."
"Yeah, but what do you really think?"
"It really doesn't matter what I think."
"Uhhh, yeah it does. I'm asking you aren't I?"
After several more minutes of pressing and pleading on my part for a freakin' opinion, I finally got it:
"Okay, if you really want to know, I think you look better with long hair."
Wrong answer. He was supposed to say he thought I should cut it short since that's the decision I was leaning towards. I just needed a little encouragement. Why couldn't he see that? It was so obvious!
I sigh a long sigh. "What is it with guys and long hair? Could you be any more shallow?"
Jason, sensing my annoyance, tries to recover with, "No, I just think long hair suits your personality better."
"Whatever."
The truth is I can't say a thing because the way many men feel about women with long luxurious locks is the way I feel about men with big beautiful beards. I mean, can you possibly imagine anything sexier than a beautiful bearded mountain man chopping firewood in a flannel shirt? Well, can you? I know I can't. So, somehow, out of our own shallowness and need to control each other, we came upon an agreement, a sacred pact: For one year, I solemnly swear not to cut my stringy strands and Jason promises friendship to the fruits of his facial follicles. So while I begin my journey towards this:
Do you think my hair will get this long in a year?
Jason strives to become this:
Isn't he cute?
(I can't remember where I found this picture. Sorry Beard Man creator.)
Would you like to know some interesting facts about beards brought to you by Wikipedia? Okay!
- From the dashing Donegal (think Abe Lincoln) to the gorgeous Garibaldi (think Giuseppe) there are many different types and styles of beard. My personal favorite? The neck beard, as sported by the sexy Thoreau below:
Facial hair growth is stimulated by dihydrotestosterone, which ironically, also promotes balding.- Pogonophobia is the fear of beards.
- The ancient Greeks, who commonly curled their beards with tongs, saw beards as a sign of virility.
- In ancient India, a long beard was a sign of wisdom. The punishment for adultery? Public beard chopping.
Want to see a photographic presentation of Jason's transformation into Beard Man? Okay!
This guy would scare the begeezus out of a pogonophobic.
I think he couldn't be any sexier.
(Unless he had an axe and a flannel shirt.)
For all you other beardos out there who just can't get enough of manly hairy faces:
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