Happy Anniversary Mom & Pops!

Today is my parent's 32nd anniversary.

At least, it is in Australia.

And I hope I'm right about the 32. ??

Hey, Mom & Dad,

Remember that year I felt certain that you had been married 25 years, and then you said,

in your I'm trying to be patient, but you're an idiot voice,

"Tracy. How old are you?"

"Duhh, 26," I replied, annoyed you had to ask.

A couple of minutes go by...

(keep in mind, readers, I'm not a bastard child, nor is my older sister)

"Ohhhhhh!"

(True story.)

Jason and I looked on the internet to see what the gift for Anniversary #32 is: Conveyance.

"Oh, that's nice, you convey something to the other, as in you communicate something, like about how much meaning and beauty your partner has given to your life. That's so swee..."

"It means a car," my thought is interrupted by Jason's insistence on living in the real world. "Or a boat, or a motorcycle...some form of transportation."

"Oh," I said. "Seriously?"

Yeah, I don't know if that was just some kind of yuppy site that was I was looking at or if that's the real deal. I mean, for number 100 they said a 10K diamond is in order. At first I was like, WHAT? 10K DIAMOND? ABSURD! Look, I'm not a fan of diamonds. I'm just not that in to sparkly things, especially sparkly things that are far too often ill-gotten. I don't know much about diamonds, but I know enough to know that 10K's no pebble. But then I actually thought about the practical implications, the reality of two people being married for 100 years. Has that even ever happened? If so, if such a thing doesn't warrant a 10K diamond, than what does? Even if it does cost a little blood, sweat and tears... nay! even better that it cost a little blood sweat and tears. It is actually an incredibly appropriate gift if you think about it. So, maybe a car is an appropriate gift for 32 years of marriage? I considered it. I decided it is in fact. The more I thought about the years of commitment, love, friendship and trust my parents have given each other, the more I thought, "Screw conveying gratitude and emotion! Dadgummit. They deserve a car." I knew that most likely neither of my parents would be giving the other a car. So that's when I took matters in to my own hands, marched myself down to Crown Casino and won them this:

(my parents' NEW CAR!)

Crown is a fancy place. Don't believe me? Just look at these fancy-shmancy lights:

(fancy schmancy lights)

And it should be, I mean, gambling is a classy thing. Am I wrong? Well, if anybody knows her way around a fanciful establishment, it's me. For some strange reason, it makes some people uncomfortable. Not me! Give me frou frou and watch me flourish like crime in Bogota, Columbia. I'm not comfortable at dinner unless I have at least three different kinds of forks in front of me. (And that's for a casual dinner.) All that is to say that I was right in my element. I quickly and easily sweet talked my way into a high stakes poker game in the VIP room, where I proceeded to win my parents a sweet-ass convertible for their anniversary and make grown men cry. No big deal. Everybody up there suspects I'm some sort of Rain Man. Anyway, I'm having it shipped to you, Mom & Dad. You'll just need to have the steering wheel and what-not switched over and then she'll be good to go!

Noooo. Almost none of that was true.

BUT! I did make you this pretty flower collage:

Keep it Classy, Australia

Yesterday was the Melbourne Cup. For those of you who don't know about it (I for one had never heard of it before coming here) it's a horse race. In fact, it's the richest and most prestigious two mile handicap in the world. It's billed as "the race that stops a nation." It's a big deal around here. It's even a public holiday in Melbourne. It would seem, after a few months now of careful observation, that there are a lot of Melbournites who will jump at any opportunity to drink excessive amounts of alcohol, gamble and yell. Actually, most of the time they don't seem to worry about coming up with an excuse. They just do it anyway. Well, with all this hype about the Cup, we were curious to see what all the fuss was about. We didn't have the money to actually attend the race, so we decided instead (because it was free) to attend what was advertised as "Melbourne's most glamorous riverside garden party" at the Crown Casino with our friends, Dave and Allison. Well, what can I say, it was in Melbourne and it was riverside, and if by glamour they meant white spandex mini dresses, and if by garden they meant astro turf, then I guess it was Melbourne's most glamorous riverside garden party. There was a square of astro turf on which sat a tent in which were crammed heaps of drunken Aussies in skanky clothes. On one side, there was a bar and a long line of mostly men waiting to place their bets. On the other side of the tent was another bar (of course) and another long line of mostly women waiting to get free make-up from Loreal. And let me just tell you that the last thing Australian women need is more make-up. Trust me, they've got plenty already. Totally lame. There weren't even any cool hats. The highlight of our day, besides the couple minutes of the actual race which were a little exciting, was trying to guess which of the boobs pressed against us were fake and which were real. We realize that's tacky, but sometimes tacky times call for tacky measures. Apparently, we missed the Real party. Check out these pictures I saw on Australian yahoo this morning of the aftermath:

That's right, folks, this is where we live.

Speaking of keeping it classy, the other major news story on Australian Yahoo this morning was: Britney lands in Australia. Yep, Britney Spears is here for her first Australian tour. We can hardly wait til she hits up Melbourne. For a mere $250-$15oo we can go to her show!! So, if you were wondering what to get us for Christmas, wonder no more!! I'm sure she'll do well here. We think Australia and Britney Spears go together like peas and carrots. They both like to keep it classy.